Saturday, May 14, 2011

A rose for a non-mom

At the restaurant we took my mom to on Mother's Day, they gave all the mom's roses. At first the waiter didn't give me one and I will admit that it made me sad. I really wanted a pretty rose of course, but mostly because I am not a mom. We have been trying to get pregnant since January but haven't had any luck yet. I know that is only 5 months (but I have not been on birth control for almost 2 years) and it can take years for some people to get pregnant, but I have this deep down feeling that we won't be able to no matter how long we try.
At dinner last night with some girlfriends, we got on the subject of having babies. All of them have children. Some of them are done and some are still planning on having another soon. Then they asked me if we were going to have any babies. I told them we were trying now and then I broke down crying after telling them that I didn't think it would happen for us. I have never cried about it before because I try not to think about it too much. I don't know what came over me I just got really emotional about it. I know that God only gives you what you can handle, so maybe He knows that we can't handle a baby at this particular moment. I hope that is all it is. We can't afford to do anything special-no fertility treatments, no surrogates, no donors, no adoptions. We may not ever need any of these things, but if we did, we wouldn't be able to anyway.
The point of this post is not to feel sorry for myself. I think I just needed to let it out, that I am worried and unsure. I have been keeping that doubt bottled up inside and I think that is why I broke down. Maybe by posting this, some of you can give me advice, share your own stories or offer words of encouragement and prayers. I have always wanted to be a mom, to carry a baby inside of me, feel it growing and moving. I have always wanted to give birth to a human life created by me and my husband. And as that baby grows I want to be able to say, "he looks just like you" or "she has your eyes". I hope that I do get to experience all of that just as I have always dreamed of.
Thank you all for your love and friendship and for giving me a place to express myself. You listen and that means so much to me. Hope you are all enjoying your weekend!

9 comments:

Trish - Sweetology101 said...

This post is so personal and so touching, Trisha. Have faith and breathe. I know how hard this journey can be BELIVE ME..I have been there and have shared your deep worries of the unknown. Trust that the good you have put out in the world will come back. It will happen, stay positive and remember that TRYING to become a parent is the first test of parenthood, letting go of control..(((BIG HUG))) ~ Trish

LaTosha Brown said...

Greetings,
I love your blog! It is amazing how other people can give us so much hope. Your blog inspired me to believe that God is going to bring me together with the love of my life. I was sitting here crying until I read you blog.

After reading this post I was reminded of how God can give us what we want if we just be patient and believe. I absolutely believe that God is going to give you the desires of your heart! You and your husband we have the family you desire.

Continue to believe and have faith. Please keep sending positive thoughts of love out in the universe...it will come back to you. Please believe and stand on faith.

I had a friend that desired another child. She and her husband tried for years to no avail. However, right before her 42nd b'day she found out she was pregnant. This is after 17 years of trying!!!!! Matter of fact, she thought she was going through peri-menopause. Now they have a beautiful 2 year old son and 19 year old. GOD CAN DO IT!!!!!! BELIEVE!!! May God Bless and continue to keep you,
LaTosha @ latoshalove.blogspot.com.

Tara said...

Trisha,there's a little angel out there somewhere just waiting to be placed in your arms.Always remember it doesn't matter how the angel got placed in your arms,just that your arms will always hold it..God will be good..I have no doubt you will be fabulous parents one day..xxx

mo said...

Hi Trisha,

I am sending you all the love and support one needs during these months.

I say never wait to get checked out by a Dr.

Sometimes that's all it takes.

*hugs*

mo

The Cranky Queen said...

Trisha, Faith is believing in things that we cannot see...Your faith in God will show you the way and open your eyes.

We have been partnered for the Initially Yours from It's A Very Cherry Life! I am so excited Trisha and Tiffany (T and T)...Your profile gives me some ideas on what you like, but I would love for you to email me and share more on your love of the vintage and shabby chic! I will then respond to your email & share my passions. My email address is the3steers@charter.net. Blessings, Tiffany

Miss Gracie's House said...

Oh, Trish,
I am sorry.
I do know the pain of secondary infertility...and then the pain of pregnancy loss...not the same, but still an intense longing. I do feel your pain. I do believe that it is God that is in control of these things...there is peace in that...no matter the outcome. I will pray.

As far as my sale...thank You for such sweet words of encouragement...sometimes that is all it takes is to know that others truly enjoy it.
THANKS for the offer to help...trouble is, (ask my fam)....most of it I have to do myself:)...you're a sweetie to offer, though.

Try to find me, and introduce yourself...and if I give you a blank stare...just remind me and know I am exhausted:)

Rene

Suzanne said...

Hi Sweetie,
I'm so happy I saw this post. God has a plan...sometimes the same as ours, often a bit different...but a plan none the less. And HE will be beside us always, as you know. Thank you for the reminder to be faithful always, to think about others instead of ourselves and what they may be thinking/feeling and to reach out to them as I am you. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

I was told "good luck" getting pregnant. Nice, huh? It happened anyway:) My niece had many miscarriages, an adoption fall through at the last second literally and then when she had given up hope...a baby:) I guess I'm saying this to let you know there is hope but maybe what we need to hope for is what God wants for us, you know? Goodness knows I learned that this past year with the whole MS thing:)
Hang in there and be the beautiful, inspiring person you are...and know that many people love you and will pray for you.

Now, on another note...you won a giveaway at my blog so stop by and shoot me your address:)
XOXOXO
Suzanne

a peony princess said...

Hi! Just stumbled upon your cute blog via the middlest sister...love all the colors you've used.

This post was really moving. Sending you warm hugs and peaceful thoughts!

xo Trish

Kristen said...

Trisha,

I encourage you to think positive and great thoughts. The Word of God says as a man (woman)thinketh so is he (she)! When you pray, thank God for the wonderful parents that you two will become! Thank Him for your beautiful, healthy baby! Thank Him for no morning sickness! It may seem a bit crazy, but FAITH is crazy! I promise to keep you in my prayers and I know that God is going to blow your mind however He chooses! I've learned that when things take a little while longer to reach us on earth, God was adding something extra special to the delivery! Be patient my dear!

I will be checking in on you...

Thanks for sharing!